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PETER FROST in looking to buy a Scotsman as his slave, It’s perfectly acceptable – the bible says so.

When bigoted homophobic Christians and Jews seek to justify their despicable views they usually turn to the holy book.

We have seen and heard it in the recent debates about gay clergy and same sex marriage.

Homosexuality is an abomination – It must be true it says so in the bible. Look it up yourself.  Today’s reading is from Leviticus chapter 18 verse 22

So if it’s that simple does this wise old geezer Leviticus have any other rules to make life easy and more pleasant?

Well, yes, he does. One in particular is going to make my domestic arrangements much easier.

Leviticus clearly states; (In c.25:v.44 if you need to know) that I can have slaves, both male and female. There is one Proviso, they must be from neighbouring nations.

So there is nothing to stop me having a Scotsman to do the heavy work around Chez Frost and a nice Welsh lady to cook and clean.

Trouble is she wouldn’t be able to cook my favourite Welsh delicacy – Mumbles Bay Cockles – according to our old mate Leviticus, eating any shellfish is as much an abomination as being gay.

Other abominations according to Leviticus? Well in fact quite a few.

No contact of any kind with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual un-cleanliness.

The problem is how do you ask?

I have tried, but most women, even lady vicars, seem a bit embarrassed.

Leviticus also points out (c. 21: v. 20) that nobody may approach the altar of God if they have a defect in their sight. The choice is yours; C of E or spec-savers but not both.

So its not just women banned from being bishops also anyone wearing glasses. Rules out our new Archbishop of Canterbury I reckon.

It’s not all negative. Leviticus positively encourages burning a bull or an ox on the altar as a sacrifice.

Cattle might be all right but touching the skin of a dead pig is a definite no-no. Leviticus. (c. 11 v.6-8)

God help you if you are a gay footballer. A double abomination.

Most mix ‘n matching is definitely out in old Letivicus’s book.

Plant two different plants in the same field and you commit an abomination. (c. 11 v.11)

Same goes for wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread.

That cotton-polyester blend shirt is a definite abomination just as bad as being gay. No wonder gay men favour pure cotton.

Leviticus bans trimming any of your hair. Head or beard – it’s all an …

Yes, you guessed it. Leviticus even defines how these sinners should perish. Gather all the village together, he declares, to stone them to death. (c.21 v. 1-16)

The same punishment gets doled out to those who swear or blaspheme. Jesus! that seems a bit harsh.

Those guilty of sleeping with their in-laws however should be burnt alive in private. (c. 20 v. 14). Subtle these Old Testament rules.

I could go on but perhaps we are being a bit cruel to old Leviticus. He isn’t the only one the bible bashers treat at holy writ.

Exodus (c. 21 v.7) makes it quite plain there is nothing wrong with selling your daughter into slavery.

Working on the Sabbath however is much more serious, Exodus approves the death penalty for that.

You could be havin’ a laugh except that the so-called Christians who trot out this bigoted nonsense have condemned a good few people to lives of misery and are likely to do the same for a good few more if we let them get away with it.

God bless ‘em. For they know not what they do.

 

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2 thoughts on “‘Cos the Bible tells me so

  1. So are we to hear an in depth destruction of the Quoran?, the teachings of John Smith?, the joys of the Jehovahs Witnesses?, the written demands of the many cults that have emerged across the globe?

    Looking forward to the continuation of this series………….unless of course your are biased against Christianity, Heaven Forbid (pun intended)

    Frosty, I give you so many Ideas for articles, I think I deserve a cut!

    On to more important issues, Tracey is looking for an open weekend, do you have any mapped out?

    Boy did we have a good night last night, Tracey did a full Japanese banquet for our friend Renee’s birthday. Twelve for dinner, we started about half past seven, finished three thirty in the morning !!!

    I will get Tracey to give Ann a ring later.

    Cheers

    Oh and God Bless

    Les

      Caractor Graphics 330-332 Moorhey Road Maghull Merseyside L31 5LR T:0151 5 200 500 F:0151 5 200 900 M:07802 25 2001

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  2. That Levitus really was a pillock !!!

      Caractor Graphics 330-332 Moorhey Road Maghull Merseyside L31 5LR T:0151 5 200 500 F:0151 5 200 900 M:07802 25 2001

    ________________________________

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